2011 NFC West Preview

This is the first of eight NFL division previews. With each team, I will type a brief synopis of their outlook in both real life and in terms of fantasy football. We'll also set a ceiling and a floor, and just for yucks, I'll post a video that is related to each team (some videos from the past, and some from the present). Without further ado...

4. Seattle Seahawks

2010 Record = 7-9 (1^st in Division, Lost in Divisional Round @ Bears)

Key Additions = WR Sidney Rice, TE Zach Miller, G Robert Gallery
Key Losses = QB Matt Hasselbeck, LB Lofa Tatupu

Schedule = @ 49ers, @ Steelers, Cardinals, Falcons, @ Giants, BYE, @ Browns, Bengals, @ Cowboys, Ravens, @ Rams, Redskins, Eagles, Rams, @ Bears, 49ers, @ Cardinals

Real-Life Outlook = It’s been a strange off-season for Seattle so far. Head Coach Pete Carroll said after last season that resigning Matt Hasselbeck was the team’s top priority, yet he signed with the Titans (word on the street is Hasselbeck really wanted to play for Tennessee, so perhaps Seattle didn’t have a chance to retain him anyway). Then they dole out $41 million to Sidney Rice, but have no one competent to throw him the football (I knocked down Seattle’s ceiling by 2 wins after reading Tavaris Jackson has been named the starting quarterback over Charlie Whitehurst). Sidney should be pulling for the Seahawks to tank this season and get a crack at Stanford QB Andrew Luck in next year’s draft.
Fantasy Outlook = Since Shaun Alexander’s hey-day ended, Seahawks have been very difficult to carry on fantasy rosters. This year is no different Sidney Rice is their only player that should be drafted to fill a starting spot (and that spot should only be your 3^rd receiver), but you shouldn’t get to excited about him. Seattle has killed recent free agent additions (examples: Deion Branch, Nate Burleson, and T.J. Houshmandzadeh).  Inconsistent quarterback play will destroy any consistent fantasy value. On a positive note, while the Seahawks defense should also not be drafted, keep them in mind for a couple of spot starts when they host Cincinnati and Washington. Their home-field advantage will be enough to earn you some cheap fantasy points (assuming the fans haven’t turned on the Tavaris/Whitehurst poop sandwich that will be handling the quarterbacking duties).

Ceiling = 7-9

Floor = 2-14
No Credentials Prediction = 3-13

3. San Francisco 49ers

2010 Record = 6-10 (3^rd in Division)

Key Additions = WR Braylon Edwards, K David Akers
Key Losses = DT Aubrayo Franklin, LB Manny Lawson, LB Takeo Spikes, CB Nate Clements

Schedule = Seahawks, Cowboys, @ Bengals, @ Eagles, Buccaneers, @ Lions, BYE, Browns, @ Redskins, Giants, Cardinals, @ Ravens, Rams, @ Cardinals, Steelers, @ Seahawks, @ Rams

Real-Life Outlook = If it seems like San Francisco already waved the white flag by resigning Alex Smith, that’s because they pretty much did. Throw in the loss of four starters on defense, and you have a very difficult first year for Head Coach Jim Harbaugh. If the 49ers don’t come out of their first three games with a record of at least 2-1, it’s going to be a long, long, LONG season.   

Fantasy Outlook = One of the riskier plays this season is runningback Frank Gore. He’s coming off of a fractured hip he suffered late last season, and is now holding out for a new contract. For any of you who have a draft in the first few weeks of August, I’d suggest passing on him until the middle of the 3^rd round if you are in a standard league. Point-per-reception leagues are a different story though, as Gore is capable of chipping in with 50 receptions. He’s currently going around the 20^th pick in Yahoo! drafts, which would be the appropriate time to gamble on him in a PPR format.
            As for the rest of the team, Vernon Davis is the only other elite fantasy starter San Francisco has to offer. He should go not later than the 6^th round in a 10-team league. Michael Crabtree is a potential breakout candidate, but probably won’t be ready to go Week 1 due to an ankle injury suffered during a workout in June. Braylon Edwards does have the potential to be this year's Brandon Lloyd of the fantasy game, but I wouldn't bet on it. Defensively, Patrick Willis is enough of a force on his own to make the ‘Niners an interesting plug-and-play possibility. Week 1 will be the best home match-up they have all season, so if you are the last person to draft a defense in your league, scoop up the 49ers.  

Ceiling = 7-9

Floor = 1-15
No Credentials Prediction = 5-11

2. Arizona Cardinals

2010 Record = 5-11 (4^th in Division)

Key Additions = QB Kevin Kolb, LB Stewart Bradley, G Daryn Colledge
Key Losses = CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, WR Steve Breaston

Schedule = Panthers, @ Redskins, @ Seahawks, Giants, @ Vikings, BYE, Steelers, @ Ravens, Rams, @ Eagles, @ 49ers, @ Rams, Cowboys, 49ers, Browns, @ Bengals, Seahawks

Real-Life Outlook = One of the more notable boom or bust candidates in the league, Arizona’s fate is tied entirely to the play of their new quarterback. Fortunately for newly acquired Kevin Kolb, the bar was set so low last season by Derek Anderson that he won’t have to play all that well to be considered an upgrade.

Fantasy Outlook = Even if Kolb isn’t able to lift the Cardinals to new heights, he will at least be competent enough that Larry Fitzgerald will be a viable #1 fantasy receiver. His current average draft position is 19.6, which to me seems like a bargain. I wouldn’t have a problem with anyone taking him ahead of Calvin Johnson or Roddy White (especially in PPR leagues). Kolb can also be an interesting option that you should target late. He would be a great backup for Michael Vick, or a good match-up option if you pair him with a guy like Eli Manning. Feel free to gamble on any of the Cardinals runningbacks at any point after round 10, but quickly discard them if they don’t show any value early. Arizona has an opportunistic defense that is capable of putting up big fantasy points against poor quarterbacks. You would be wise to start them against Carolina in Week 1.

Ceiling = 12-4

Floor = 4-12
No Credentials Prediction = 9-7

1. St. Louis Rams

2010 Record = 7-9 (2^nd in Division)

Key Additions = S Quintin Mikell, G Harvey Dahl, WR Mike Sims-Walker
Key Losses = None

Schedule = Eagles, @ Giants, Ravens, Redskins, BYE, @ Packers, @ Cowboys, Saints, @ Cardinals, @ Browns, Seahawks, Cardinals, @ 49ers, @ Seahawks, Bengals, @ Steelers, 49ers

Real-Life Outlook = St. Louis hasn’t been talked about much, but the additions they have made should push them to the top of the NFC West. Quintin Mikell fills a gaping hole at safety (I’m going to guess that none of you remember the epic battle to decide the division winner of the NFC West last year, but Seattle roasted the Rams with bomb after bomb down the middle of the field). The sneakiest pick up was former Jaguars wide-out Mike Sims-Walker. He hasn’t demonstrated on a regular basis that he has an abundance of functioning brain cells, but did at times flash potential #1 receiver ability. At the very least, he’ll be an upgrade over Danny Amendola.

            The only thing that could destroy St. Louis is a brutal first half schedule. They face the entire NFC East (which other than the powder-puff team in Washington, won’t be fun), Baltimore and New Orleans at home, and a road trip to Lambeau Field. If St. Louis can get through the first eight games with a 4-4 record, I like their chances to finish 6-2 and take the division title. 
Fantasy Outlook = Stephen Jackson is currently going in the early 3^rd  round of 12-team leagues, which is an appropriate place to take him. An improved passing game will help him out immensely. Sam Bradford should be considered a bye week sub at best. He’s a year and one stud receiver away from fantasy relevance. Sims-Walker is the sleeper on this club. If he emerges, don’t be surprised to see him put up a line of 75-1150-8 (for those not in the know, that’s receptions-yards-touchdowns).

Ceiling = 10-6

Floor = 7-9
No Credentials Prediction = 10-6

Click the links below to read about

the AFC North
the AFC South
the AFC West
the NFC East
the NFC North
the NFC South

Marion the Barbarian

     For a two year span, there wasn't a more fun runningback to watch in the NFL than Marion Barber. He always ran like a guy who would be willing to stiff arm his own grandmother in order to eke out an extra yard. In the early days, Dallas would only unleash him on the goaline and in the 4th quarter. In his prime, it was fair to call him the Mariano Rivera of runningbacks. When the opposing defenses were worn out, he would beat the living crap out of him. Sadly, anyone with any knowledge of past history knew that Barber wouldn't hold up long term running like that. Despite the obvious signs, Jerry Jones gave Barber a seven year, $45 million contract after the 2007 season. After a hot start to the 2008 season, Marion injured his ankle in a Sunday night game at Green Bay (a game that Dallas pummeled the Packers in Lambeau to improve to 3-0). Barber was never the same after that injury, and neither were the Dallas Cowboys the rest of that season (they finished 6-7, ending the season with a humiliating 41-0 loss at Philadelphia).
     It would be easy for anyone to point to the last three seasons and say that Barber was a dissapointment, but I'll beg to differ. Jerry Jones should've known better than to pay him starters money, and to have Jason Garrett hand the ball off to him 25 times a game. Sometimes it's important to know how much a player is capable of handling (kind of like pitch counts in baseball, although I would argue that pitchers are babied too much, while runningbacks are often abused).
    To conclude this impromptu rant, I'd like to thank Marion Barber for his time with the Dallas Cowboys. You were one of my favorite players to watch during the '00s. Hell, I even paid real American dollars to purchase your jersey back in 2007. It was a good run.
    

Things Most NFL Fans Will Avoid Now That the Lockout is Over

Here is a hodge-podge list of things most NFL fans will not be stuck doing now that football will happen on Sundays (and Monday nights, and sometimes Thursday and Saturday nights too...damn no wonder my fiancee gets so sick of football) this fall/winter.

Yardwork (the leaves will blow away on their own)
Watching September MLB Games (you'll be lucky to find more than three games a day that will have an impact on the playoffs)
Spending Time With Family (that's what the other six days of the week are for)
Reading a Good Book (boring)
Viewing Fall Foliage (oh wait I forgot, only people over the age of 73 do that)
Preparing For Fantasy Hockey (it's more fun to wing it and draft European defensemen you've never heard of anyway)
Doing Homework (this isn't a critical item. Most students can find plenty of things to do instead of homework)
Shopping ("Honey, here's the debit card. Please just leave enough money so our rent check doesn't bounce...have a good time!")
Watching the Chase For the Cup (I don't need to watch Jimmie Johnson win AGAIN)
Doing Anything Productive (that would take away from paying attention to your fantasy teams. Notice I wrote "teams")

No Credentials "Mail Bag" 7-22-11

The following questions may or may not be real e-mails from real or fake people from this universe or a parallel universe.

So I threw out a trailor for “The Dark Knight Rises”, and only included four quick scenes from the new movie, and filled half of it with clips from the first two films. Somehow, this still created buzz. Can I have my “greatest movie-maker alive” plaque shipped to my house next week? – Christopher N., Highgate, London, UK

            Not yet. You lucked out with Heath Ledger overdosing before “The Dark Knight” came out (not saying this to make light of Ledger’s death, it’s just a fact people). I will give you props for delivering a quality movie that cashed in on the hype, but for now the best comparison I have for you is former New York Yankees Manager Joe Torre. Torre took over the Yankees in 1996, which was a year after Buck Showalter led the Yanks to their first playoff berth in 14 years. Torre was handed the keys to one of the best teams ever assembled, and went on to win four championships in five years. Was Torre the best manager at that time? Probably not, but he benefited from exceptional timing. I’ll argue that Nolan has done the same thing.

(RANT ALERT: Showalter getting fired is even weirder when you consider that the Yankees had the best record in the American League before the strike ended the 1994 season. If the strike never happened, Showalter could’ve led the Yankees to five titles in seven years, assumming that George Steinbrenner would’ve given him a one year mulligan in ’95. No manager in MLB history had worse luck than Showalter) 

It hasn’t been talked about in awhile, but The Rapture was moved back until October. Is the Pittsburgh Pirates leading the NL Central in July the best sign that is going to happen? – Charlotte, Pocono, PA

            That coupled with ESPN’s orgasmic reaction to the owners approving a new CBA are the two most prominent signs I’ve seen this summer that The Rapture is still on.

If you’re a present day NBA player, aren’t you offended that NBA 2K12 is having Jordan, Bird, and Magic on the cover? – Ricky, Rochester, NH

            Here’s the list of players my fiancee came up with in five minutes that are video game cover-worthy.

1.      Dirk Nowitzki

2.      Lebron James

3.      Derrick Rose

4.      Dwyane Wade

5.      Paul Pierce

6.      Rajon Rondo

7.      Ray Allen

8.      John Wall

9.      Blake Griffin

10.  Kevin Durant

11.  Kobe Bryant

12.  Steve Nash

13.  Marcin Gortat (just kidding!)

14.  Joakim Noah

15.  Amar’e Stoudamire

16.  Carmelo Anthony

17.  Pau Gasol

18.  Deron Williams

19.  Chris Paul

20.  DeMar DeRozan (another joke, but he’s her favorite under the radar player)

21.  Manu Ginobili

She realized she missed Dwight Howard after the fact, but otherwise that was a pretty solid list. With that said, this year is as good as any for the 2K Sports folks to embrace the legends of the game. The lockout is going to wipe out at least three months of the season, so it’s a good idea to distance the game a little bit from the current crop of players.

Will Yao Ming be remembered as a success or a failure? – Joe, Round Rock, TX

            I’m not one that will label a player who was limited by injury a failure (I prefer to categorize a player as a “woulda-shoulda-coulda”. Not very proffesional sounding, but then again, I’m not very proffesional), but Yao’s international impact is enough for him to be considered a success. He literally brought the NBA to China. Maybe Yao didn’t realize his full potential, but I have a feeling we’ll see a few Chinese players who were inspired by him that will make an impact within the next 10 years

I’m getting a little concerned about the polls. I need three ideas to improve my candidacy for ’12. – Barack O., Washington, D.C.

            No problem Mr. President. Without further ado…

1.      Install Chuck Norris as Secretary of Defense – I don’t even feel like I need to explain the awesomeness of this idea.

2.      Use your executive power to reverse the decision in the Casey Anthony case. You’ll secure 85% of the female vote that way.

3.      Wait for all the college folks that voted for you to give a crap about politics in 2012. Most kids could care less about mid-term senate races, but they’ll show up for the presidential race.

When you're caught between a rock and a hard place, is the rock not hard? – Megan L., Madison, NH

            Think of the phrase this way. Harrison Ford is old, but Betty White is older. So to put it in terms of an analogy, Harrison Ford is to a rock as Betty White is to a hard place. Rocks are a combo of different minerals, so here are a few substances that would be harder than your typical rock.

A.     Diamond

B.     Titanium Diboride

C.     Stishovite  

Give me the best back-handed compliment you’ve ever heard in person. – Trevor, Anchorage, AK

            I’m going to rename the people involved just incase one of them happens to read this column, but here goes…One Saturday night a few years ago I was hanging out with my friend “Dave”. Another old high-school buddy (we’ll call him “Cliff”) came over to my apartment with his fiancee “Christina”, who until that evening we had never met. After going to a couple of bars and having an after party at my place, Cliff and Christina left. Either that night or the following morning, Dave had this to say about Christina:

“You know, Christina was pretty cool for a girl that is engaged to Cliff.”

            If any of you have heard something better, feel free to e-mail me your backhanded compliment or post it in the comments section of this page.

5-years, $37.5 million for Steven Stamkos. Isn’t that a steal? – Lisa, Niagra Falls, NY

            It appears to be, but remember that Stamkos is only 21 years old. He’ll be an unrestricted free agent at 26, which should be right in the beginning of his prime. It was good faith on both sides as far as limiting the dollar amount and years of the contract.

What’s the best thing to compare the NBA’s grand unveiling of the 2011-12 schedule to? – Ty, Brockton, MA

            Other than giving Shaq the oppurtunity hydrolics  to bash Chris Bosh, a big waste of time.

Let's assume that we landed on the moon. I said “assume”. And let's assume that we actually killed Osama. Again I am just assuming here. And lets take into consideration the we can chuck a pumpkin through a massive tube great distances while still maintaining it's sphere appearance and brilliant color. At what point do you think I will be able to maintain cellular service wherever my GPS guides me? After all, cell phones were available when we supposedly landed on the moon, and for the gentleman that were hunting (I didn't say killing) Osama . I can't imagine that they would have lost cell service. Now you'll notice I didn't mention the pumpkin chucker's. Primarily because those guys only give a damn about manure, pumpkin seeds, hydrolics and velocity. Because Lord knows cell phones DON'T work in that part of the world. So, to summarize, what did the moon walkers and the spooks potentially have that I don't? This is Legion6T standing by. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            Believe it or not, there’s actually a simple answer to this long-winded question…the answer is that the astronauts and the Seals had access to more expensive technology. I’m positive that wireless companies have the capability of producing mobile devices that would have service anywhere on Earth, but the cost to produce them is so high that it is impractical to sell on the open market. You’re average American isn’t doing important things like gunning down terrorists.

            That concludes another riveting edition of the No Credentials Mailbag. Do you have a question you would like to see researched and answered? Send it to me at c_muir@hotmail.com, and I promise to at least spend a minimum of three minutes reading about it on Wikipedia. Until next time…

No Cred At All Keeper Team Ranks

We're a little late, but here's the mid-season rankings of the order I would consider keeping the players that are currently on my keeper team if I were forced to decide today. I am able to keep five players for next season. The price of keeping player is a draft pick that corresponds to where a player was taken the year before.

Barring Injury, the Cornerstones of My Franchise

1. Robinson Cano, 2B, Yankees – With the early season struggles of Hanley Ramirez, I was wishing I could go back in time and draft Cano first overall. Fortunately, I was able to put together a blockbuster trade to secure Cano on my team through 2015.

2. Michael Pineda, SP, Mariners – The only pitcher at this point that is locked in to be kept on my team. If I keep him for the full five years, he’ll only cost me a 12h round pick in 2015.

3. Hanley Ramirez, SS, Marlins – Perhaps it’s the second hand smoke from 80-year old Jack McKeon, but Hanley has been on fire ever since the Marlins switched managers.

4. Evan Longoria, 3B, Rays – Another player that I gave up a lot to acquire mid-season, Longoria still hasn’t fully emerged from his early season slump.

     On the Bubble

5. Prince Fielder, 1B, Brewers – Fielder has been the offensive MVP of my team, but it’s 2012 and beyond that scares me. Will Fielder still be motivated after signing a $175 million contract, or will he eat 175 million Big Mac’s to celebrate his new found wealth?

      First Four Out

6. Eric Hosmer, 1B, Royals – He hasn’t lit the world on fire, but he’s still been the second best offensive rookie so far this season (behind Dustin Ackley, who I shipped out to acquire Cano). Fielder is without question the better player right now, but Hosmer has a very good chance to be a better player as soon as next season.

7. Mike Stanton, OF, Marlins – Plate discipline is certainly an issue, but then again, discipline is usually an issue for anyone that is 21 years old. He would probably go in the first five rounds of next years draft if I don’t protect him.

8. James Shields, SP, Rays – His insanely low price tag (I snagged him in the 25^th round) plus his ridiculous performance (nearly a strikeout per inning, six complete games) has forced me to place Shields higher on this list. The wise move for me would be to find a trade partner that would intend to keep Shields and swing him for another arm and a quality bat.

9. Tommy Hanson, SP, Braves – He has put it all together this season with a 2.73 ERA and a 1.06 WHIP.

      Too Expensive

10. Cole Hamels, SP, Phillies – With only five players allowed to be kept, Hamels 4^th round price tag is too expensive a price to pay for a pitcher.

      Nice Guys, But Can’t Keep You

11. Matt Wieters, C, Orioles – Buster Posey’s injury is exhibit A of why you shouldn’t spend too much on a catcher. They are one nasty home plate collision away from missing a full season.

12. B.J. Upton, OF, Rays – Doesn’t hit for average, but his power and speed make him a valuable fantasy commodity.

13. Gio Gonzalez, SP, Athletics – His WHIP is a little too high for my liking (making him a candidate for potential regression), but otherwise he’s been an unsung hero for No Cred At All.

14. Adam Jones, OF, Orioles – I just traded Brandon Phillips for Jones the other day (Phillips was expendable after the acquisition of Cano). His inability to take a walk is a bit scary, but Jones is capable of delivering 10-15 home runs and 5 steals the rest of the way.

      Top Three Farm Hands Left

15. Brett Lawrie, 2B-3B, Blue Jays – Lawrie broke his hand the day before Toronto was going to call him up in June. We should see him sometime around the trade deadline.

16. Desmond Jennings, OF, Rays – Tampa held back Jennings longer than expected, and then he suffered a small fracture in one of his fingers.

17. Kyle Gibson, SP, Twins – I was hopeful that Scott Baker’s DL stint would allow the Twins to call up their top pitching prospect, but there has been no word yet of such a move.

      Un-keep-able

18. Justin Masterson, SP, Indians

19. Jose Tabata, OF, Pirates

20. Mike Moustakas, 3B, Royals

21. Colby Rasmus, OF, Cardinals

22. Jordan Walden, RP, Angels

23. Vernon Wells, OF, Angels

24. Chris Perez, RP, Indians

25. Kyle Farnsworth, RP, Rays

26. Jamey Carroll, 2B-3B-SS-OF, Dodgers

27. Mike Leake, SP, Reds

28. Joe Nathan, RP, Twins

29. Randy Wolf, SP, Brewers

30. Carlos Marmol, RP, Cubs

31. Ted Lilly, SP, Dodgers

For Those Looking For a Women's World Cup Final Analysis

a. I don't know squat about soccer.
b. I didn't watch a second of the entire tournament.





Sorry.

The Second No Credentials Blockbuster

            Roughly 10 days ago, the second No Credentials Baseball League blockbuster went down. Again, yours truly was involved (to read about the first one, click here). By shipping off a stud rookie and a surprising veteran, I was able to acquire a player who will definitely be on my team for the next five years. Here is the breakdown for both sides.

No Cred at All receives 2B Robinson Cano

Go Team receives 1B-OF Lance Berkman and 2B-OF Dustin Ackley

            We’ll look at how Go Team came out of this deal first. Go Team had a gaping hole at first base created by Ike Davis (I have Davis on my redraft team. He tripped over a mound in May. There were scant updates on him before rumors that he might need season ending micro-fracture popped up in mid-June. Now supposedly he’s finally looking at attempting to run. Keep in mind that he only tripped over a mound). Berkman has been a top-25 player for the entire season, so he fills this hole nicely. I picked Berkman up off of waivers, so if Go Team decides to keep him next year, that will cost him a 30^th round pick in next year’s draft. I hated to trade Berkman, but parting with Ackley was even more difficult. I drafted Ackley, but cut him early in the season (oddly enough, I cut him for Berkman). Fortunately for me, I had the foresight to pick him back up about a week before the Mariners called him up. Ackley projects to be very similar to Dustin Pedroia. He won’t be as good as Robinson Cano at any point during his career, but he’s a serviceable fill-in that Go Team can also keep at a very low price for next season.

            As for my part of the trade…I got Robinson f***ing Cano. This trade reminded me of the Carmelo Anthony trade. It didn’t necessarily make sense for me to trade two dual-eligibility players that can provide top-50 production the rest of the way, but if an opportunity presents itself to add a superstar talent, you have to do it. Going forward, I still need to acquire an outfielder to round out my lineup, but it’s not a huge issue when my starting infield looks like this…

1B = Prince Fielder

2B = Robinson Cano

3B = Evan Longoria

SS = Hanley Ramirez

            I’ve backed myself into a corner where I probably will have to keep all four of those guys for my team next year, but that’s not necessarily something I should be complaining about.

           

Summer Mailbag

These may or may not be actual questions from real or fake readers.

I’m having the hardest time coming up with songs for my new album. What should I write about? – Taylor S., Nashville, TN

            I’ll give you a dollar to write about anything other than being a huge nerd in high school. Seriously Taylor, I get it. As a matter of fact, I was in the same club (minus the raw talent to become a huge country/pop star). I don’t need to hear you sing “she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts”, or that song about being 15. I’ll grant you that you’re a genius for catering all of your songs to teenage girls (somewhere, the guys from “Backstreet Boys” are saying, “DAMN YOU SWIFT! “), but I’m just asking for a little variety.

(SHORT RANT ALERT: When I first heard “Fifteen”, my first thought was to stab my eardrums with an ice pick. After giving it more thought, you have to tip your cap to Swift on this one and say it’s bloody brilliant. What teenage girl isn’t going to identify with that song? No wonder she’s sold 9 billion albums the past five years)   

Has any baseball player ever had a better sense for “the moment” than Derek Jeter? Zack T., Riverhead, NY

            There have been others that in brief time periods have been money when it mattered most (David Ortiz in 2004 is a great example), but Jeter has made a career of coming up huge when it matters most. Check out this list that MLB Network ran in April showing Jeter’s top 9 moments (none of which includes his 5-5 performance on the day he reached 3,000 hits).

How am I supposed to do a fantasy football mock draft when free agency hasn’t even started yet? – Theresa, Spokane, WA

            I’ve never been a strong supporter of doing mock football drafts in July (I prefer to wait for a couple of key players to tear their ACL in meaningless preseason games before I start planning my drafts), but if you have the itch, you should be safe to mock away. Of all the free agents, runningback DeAngelo Williams looks like the only player that could potentially be a late-1^st, early-2^nd round pick depending on where he lands (dream landing spot for him = New England. Will never happen though). Depending on what the free agency rules are, Santonio Holmes and Sidney Rice could also be viable 2^nd or 3^rd wideouts picked between the 5^th or 6^th round. Other than those three guys, free agency will not have a huge impact on the fantasy season. 

Can you please stop writing 18,000 word columns about old NASCAR drivers? – Roughly 600 of you, assorted locations around the globe

            Sorry for waxing poetic about the glory days of NASCAR. My best comparison for how I feel about NASCAR would be to relate it to my thoughts about Aerosmith. I love old heroin infused Aerosmith from the ‘70s. “Toys in the Attics” and “Rocks” are two of the greatest albums of that era. However, I can’t stand anything about the band from “Permanent Vacation” on (although I will admit that I was known to blast “Angel” a time or two when I had a longer commute home, but no one needs to know about that). Listen to “Nobody’s Fault” (off of Rocks), and then listen to “Love in an Elevator”. Sounds like two completely different bands.

            NASCAR has the same feel to me. You could say that the ‘90s were the “Toys in the Attic” years. 2004 (with the onset of the sport being sponsored by a cell phone company, and the beginning of The Chase) was quite clearly “Permanent Vacation”. I had a blast going through all of the old clips. Writing about Davey Allison was especially enjoyable for me. I hope a couple of you enjoyed it also.

Denis Leary makes references to the “cockles” of ones heart in his song "Asshole”. #1, what's a cockle? #2, do we need it? Or is it baggage like tonsils, the gall bladder, and foreskins? – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            My favorite question of the mailbag so far, because if nothing else, it allows me to post this video.

            I actually did a little research on this (by research, I mean that I typed “what are cockles” into Google and then read the first three related pages that were listed), and discovered some interesting information. Apparently, there is a group of saltwater clams that are called cockles. Their physical structure resembles the stucture of the human heart, which led to 19^th century doctors referring to the chambers of the heart as cockles. Nowadays, some super-spiritual people will refer to a cockle as the “emotional” part of your heart (in otherwords, the part that makes your heart beat faster when you’re excited or nervous), which has led to the phrase “warms the cockles of the heart”. I think it’s safe to say that anyone that read this entire paragraph learned something today.

If you’re Brett Favre, shouldn’t you comeback to play one more year? Think about it, the guy rolled into training camp around August 15^th the last three years. This year everyone will be getting to camp at that time. It would be a level playing field for him. – Floyd, Fayetteville, AK

            I’m sure it makes him think about it a little bit, but the physical beating he absorbed last year should be enough to finally keep him away from the NFL.

Saw your column about “Battle: LA” the other night. What are the five worst movies you have ever seen? – Katie, Rutland, VT

            I’m not a huge movie buff, so I haven’t gone out of my way to see some of the most infamous movie flops of all time (for example, you won’t see “Gigli” or “Green Lantern” on this list), but in no particular order here are the five that would make my personal cut.

(EDITORS NOTE: You’ll notice that these are all action movies. There’s one main reason for this…I didn’t date much in high school, therefore I missed out on plenty of early ‘00s chick flicks)

1. “Alexander” – This Oliver Stone/Colin Farrell crap-fest is by far the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theater. Every time it seemed like it was going to end, the movie would drag on for another 35 minutes. This movie grossed $34 million in the United States, while it cost $155 million to produce.
2. “Batman and Robin” – Part of the reason Christopher Nolan’s reboot of the Batman franchise has been so well received is because the bar was set so low in George Clooney’s one appearance as the Dark Knight. This movie was another prime example that no matter how many stars you have you need a solid script. 
3. “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” – Three words…Jar Jar F***ing Binks.
4.  “Driven” – Want to know why Sly was froze out of Hollywood for years? Check out this two-hour massacre that makes “Days of Thunder” look like 1990’s answer to “Casablanca”.
5. “Showgirls” – On paper, this movie should’ve worked, but unfortunately the stain of this flop forced the United States government to deport Elizabeth Berkley to Siberia (well not really, but she has never been hired as the lead actress for anything other than a Lifetime movie since).

What is the ceiling and floor for Terrell Pryor? – Mark, Akron, OH

            I’ll give some obscure references, and won’t explain them, thus forcing you to look up his potential ceiling and floor on Wikipedia.

Ceiling = Quincy Carter

Floor = Spurgen Wynn

Is there a point to an All-Star Game if no All-Stars show up? – Lauren, Tacoma, WA

            Sadly for MLB, the All-Star Game determines home-field advantage for the World Series. In every other sport, it’s an inconsequential exhibition (which is exactly why guys like Derek Jeter list “exhaustion” as a reason not to attend). In all seriousness though, players should skip the All-Star Game if there is any sort of ailment that could be aggravated. It’s not anyone’s fault that the people running MLB are dolts and decide home-field advantage in their championship series by the result of an exhibition. 

NHL free agency has been insane. Which moves have gotten your attention so far? – Jean-Luc, Sherbrooke, NB

            Philadelphia shipping out their top-2 centers, and then signing All-Star goalie Ilya Bryzgalov stands out as the boldest move so far. Brad Richards signing with the Rangers wins the award for most predictable move of the off-season. San Jose swapping Dany Heatley for Martin Havlat ranks as the oddest trade (although it makes more sense when you look at the financial side of it). However, the hands down winner for best signing goes to the Washington Capitals. Washington was able to ink former Panthers goalie Tomas Vokoun to a one-year deal at a discount rate of $1.5 million. Vokoun is used to seeing at least 30 shots every game, so he should mesh well supporting Washington’s high-flying offense. This will be the best team the Czech goalie has ever played for. If he’s up to the task, pencil in the Capitals as Eastern Conference Champions next season. 

How much would you pay to watch Pacquiao-Mayweather? – Ethan H., Centerville, PA

            I don’t think I’d pay anything, but if it were convenient to do so, I would go to a bar and watch it.

I’m so bummed out by the NFL and NBA Lockouts. Please give me reasons to be happy about these events. – Bill, Fort Worth, TX

            We should have labor peace in the NFL within 10 days, so things are looking good on that front. NFL owners and players were arguing over how to split billions of dollars, so it was only a matter of time before the two sides got together.

            The NBA outlook appears to be bleaker, but even in a doomsday scenario (which would be the entire 2011-12 season being cancelled) there is still a bright side. Whenever a deal is done, there will be rules in place that will give a small market team a better chance to hang on to a player like Lebron James. You should expect a hard salary cap (which has created all of the parity we see in football and hockey). A cancelled season would be terrible, but at least the league would be healthier coming out of it.

The Ultimate NASCAR Starting Grid, Part 4

            After reading Ed Hinton’s 12-part series on who would make the field of the ultimate Indianapolis 500 (if you like open-wheel racing check it out here), I was inspired to construct a similar list for NASCAR. This is the final installment of a four part series that lists who would make the ultimate 43-car starting grid. If you missed part 1, click here. Part 2 of the ultimate line-up can be found here. Part 3 is here. 

            To spice it up a little bit, I tried to look at individual seasons as opposed to overall careers. For example, instead of simply plugging in Richard Petty, I am taking Petty from the year that I thought was his best. A driver could only qualify once for the list (this prevents five years of Jimmie Johnson from clogging up the ranks). In order to make it, a driver had to accomplish at least one of four things.

1. Win the Winston/Nextel/Sprint Cup Championship
2. Win a bunch of races
3. Have some form of cultural impact (in other words, does anyone remember them?)
4. Have been the main character in a motion picture

Without further ado, here are the final 10 drivers to make the cut.

10. Bill Elliott, 1988, #9 Coors Ford

            Elliott’s 1985 season is probably more famous (he won 11 races, and was the first driver to win the Winston Million, a special $1 million prize for winning three of the four crown jewel events), but Awesome Bill had a much more consistent season in 1988. He won six races and had an average finish of 6.6, which was good enough to beat Rusty Wallace by 24 points for the season championship.

9. Fireball Roberts, 1958, #22 Aiken-Mitchell Motor Company Chevrolet

            Fireball never ran the full schedule during his NASCAR career, but going by the name Fireball automatically locked him in to a top-10 spot on this list. Roberts won six out of the ten races he entered in 1958. Sadly, he lost his life from of all things, burns caused by fire after a crash with Ned Jarrett at Charlotte.

8. Cale Yarborough, 1977, #11 Holly Farms Chevrolet

            The only man to win three straight championships in the pre-Chase era, Yarborough was a force driving for Junior Johnson. 1977 was the second of those seasons. He won nine races (including the Daytona 500), and posted an amazing 4.5 average finish. For my money, he’s the most underrated driver in NASCAR history.

7. Jimmie Johnson, 2007, #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet

            Unfairly miscast as the face of a sport that is in a severe decline, Johnson’s achievements have not generated enough praise. Part of it is to blame on the quirky Chase (under the pre-Chase scoring method, Johnson would only have two championships right now. Jeff Gordon would’ve won in 2007, Carl Edwards in 2008, and Kevin Harvick would’ve won last season). The other issue is fans inability to connect with him. Back before NASCAR tossed out the rulebook and said “have at it boys”, drivers were asked to be bland corporate pitchmen. Johnson filled that role better than anyone, which unfortunately for him, created a disconnect with fans that has been difficult for him to repair. With all that said, he still has won five straight championships under the current rules. I have a feeling that if we were still using the old points scoring system, Johnson and Chad Knaus would’ve figured out how to win at least three championships. 2007 was Johnson’s most impressive season. He won four straight races during the Chase to out duel Jeff Gordon for the title.

            Now to satisfy all the anti-Jimmie people (myself included), here’s a video of Johnson slamming the wall at Indianapolis. Enjoy.

(SEMI-RELATED RANT ALERT: My favorite part of that video is Rusty Wallace saying on live television that Jimmie made a great decision getting out of a car that was on fire. It’s a good thing that Rusty was in the booth that day, otherwise absoleutly no one would’ve figured that out. If I updated the worst ESPN announcers of all-time list, that would move him up a spot or two in the rankings.)

6. Lee Petty, 1959, #42 Petty Enterprises Plymouth

            Richard’s father was a hell of a driver in his own right, winning three championships as one of the first stars of NASCAR. Lee’s best season was 1959. His 3^rd title-winning season included a thrilling victory in the inaugural Daytona 500.

5. Darrell Waltrip, 1981, #11 Mountain Dew Buick

            Waltrip is known now as a very annoying announcer for FOX (hey NASCAR, want to improve your mainstream appeal? How about putting an end to DW yelling “BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY!” at the start of every race?), but back in the day he was one of the most feared drivers on the circuit. He also was nicknamed “Jaws” because he constantly ran his mouth, which didn’t sit well with the likes of Richard Petty and Bobby Allison. In fact, it would be fair to say in his younger days he was very similar to Kyle Busch. DW took home back-to-back titles in 1981 and ’82, winning 12 races each season. For the purpose of this project, Waltrip’s better average finish in ’81 puts that season on this list. 

4. Dale Earnhardt, 1987, #3 Wrangler Jeans Chevrolet

            The Intimidator is best known for being “The Man in Black”, but it was his last season driving the Wrangler Chevrolet that was his most dominant. Here’s some numbers to back up the last sentence.

1. Of the 9,373 laps run during the 1987 Winston Cup season, Dale led 3,357 of them (roughly a third of the total laps).
2. Earnhardt won 11 races, which was his highest career total during any season.
3. 24 of his 29 finishes were inside the top 10.
4. Dale won six of the first eight races (including four straight from races 5 through 8), and later in the summer won three in a row at Bristol, Darlington, and Richmond.
5. Bill Elliott finished second to Earnhardt in the season standings. He was 489 points behind Earnhardt.

Earnhardt’s most famous moment of 1987 season was his performance in that year’s All-Star Race. Watch Earnhardt pull out all the stops to hold off Bill Elliott and Terry Labonte.

3. Jeff Gordon, 1998, #24 Dupont Chevrolet

            As far as any four-year run goes, Gordon’s from 1995-98 was arguably the best in NASCAR history. Jeff won forty races during that span. If not for a late season choke in ’96 that gave teammate Terry Labonte a championship, Gordon would’ve won four straight titles. 1998 was the last of these great years, but it was one of the best single seasons of all-time. He won a career high 13 races (tied for the most in a single season in the modern era, which started in 1972), including an insane stretch towards the end of the summer where he won seven out of nine races. After getting crashed out of the spring race at Richmond, Gordon only had one finish outside of the top-5 during the final 19 races (a 7^th place run at Phoenix).

2. David Pearson, 1973, #21 Purolator Mercury

            Pearson only ran for the championship three times during his career, and amazingly won the title three of those seasons. 1973 was one of his part-time seasons driving for the Wood Brothers. Of the 18 races he entered, he was running at the finish in 14 of them. In those races, he finished first eleven times, second twice, and third once. If Pearson were a full-time driver for his entire career, he would have at least 200 victories.



(EDITORS NOTE: Ed Hinton wrote an awesome piece about NASCAR’s second Hall of Fame class. His stories about Pearson and Bobby Allison are fantastic)  

1. Richard Petty, 1967, #43 Petty Enterprises Plymouth

            To put Petty’s 1967 season in perspective, here is the list of tracks Petty won at in 1967.

Augusta

Weaverville

Columbia

Hickory

Martinsville

Richmond

Darlington

Hampton

Macon

Maryville

Rockingham

Greenville

Trenton

Fonda

Islip

Bristol

Nashville

Winston-Salem

Columbia

Savannah

Darlington

Hickory

Richmond

Beltsville

Hillsboro

Martinsville

North Wilkesboro

            Petty won a ridiculous 27 of the 49 races run that season. Petty ran in 48 of them, and every race he finished that season, he ended up inside the top-10. This ranks as by far the most dominant single season in NASCAR history.